2 x standard vanilla muffin recipe (that yields 12), totalling 24
1 x standard chocolate muffin recipe (that yields 12)
400 mL cream
1 cup grated coconut
2 tsp honey in 1 tsp water
red, yellow, green food colouring
I haven’t specified any particular muffin recipe so you can do the one you’re most comfortable with.
Bake the chocolate muffins and set aside. Follow with the two batches of vanilla muffins and set aside to cool completely.
Prepare the fillings by dying the coconut with a few drops of green food colouring. Set aside.
Whip the cream until a ribbon-like texture is reached.
Divide the cream into three parts and add yellow food colouring to one batch. Mix in without overwhipping the cream.
Add red colouring to the second batch and stir in carefully.
Leave the third one white. Put each batch in a disposable piping bag.
Cut a hole out the corner of the piping bags – one that is so small you’ll doubt you even cut a hole.
Spread a tea towel or a disposable mat (or the such) to save you from crumb-hell.
Begin to slice the vanilla muffins where the top and edge meets.
Repeat until all are done.
Take the chocolate muffins and slice into thirds horizontally, starting from the bottom of the muffin – keeping their tops well away from your beautiful round “meat” slices.
Scrape any left over cream and place a small dollop on the “meat slices”.
Pop the slices inside two buns, pressing down gently to keep it firm in place.
If guests haven’t bombarded the house already, use a VERY steady hand to draw a circle around the edge of the meat slice – this is the tomato.
Repeat for all muffins.
Next, draw squares with the yellow cream to be the “cheese” – make sure the corners hang off the end a bit so the yellow is apparent.
Pipe extra red or yellow cream in the centre of the muffin (but not lots!)
Place a handful of green coconut pressing down gently on the dollop of cream to keep in place.
Top with a squiggle of white mayo (white cream rather).
SLOW DOWN: before putting the bun on top, brush all tops with watered down honey.
To make the water/honey mixture, place 2 teaspoons of honey with 1 teaspoon of water and mix using a pastry brush.
Next, brush this mixture on the top of a muffin, sprinkle some sesame seeds or press down some with a thumb.
Top the burger, then repeat this process for the rest of the muffins.
Serve with potato mash (vanilla ice cream).
Confuse your guests:
8yr old cousin: fati, are we having buuuurrrrgerrrrs for desserrrrt?!
fati: yes, of course we are!! Come try one.
Realisation sets in: oooohh, that’s SOOO cleverrr!!!